I would be fully vaccinated by the time I was to depart. Most, if not all the people I knew who were riding had at least one shot. I would have my own hotel room. The risk of my getting Covid was very low. Why then, was I so conflicted?
Well, this is where it gets more complicated. My worst enemy, my most unforgiving critic, my most fearful and negative foe is, was, and will always be me: ME!
This adventure involved us riding just short of 200 miles on our bicycles, completely self-supported (meaning everything we brought was carried on our bikes) on the Cardinal Greenway Trail in northeast Indiana, which is the longest 'rails-to-trails' path in Indiana. Well, 15 miles of this trail requires you to ride on the road, before the trail reconnects somewhere between Muncie and Marion, Indiana.
There are SO many things that could go wrong! From a gear cable snapping, to a medical issue (and the 10,000 things in between!). For me, I have a chronic neck injury that after about 20 miles, causes quite a bit of pain and discomfort. This isn't insignificant.
Left to my own devices, my brain tends to drag me down the, "Oh my God, we're all gonna die!" rat hole. And yea, this happened here. In spades!
Then there is the the whole question of whether I'm in good enough physical condition for such a physical challenge. AND! Make NO MISTAKE, four days of riding 50+ miles a day is a real physical challenge! This is the most I've ever pushed myself physically, maybe ever. Did I mention I'm almost 61?
My brain was working overtime trying to talk me out of doing this ride. Not the least was something that created all kinds of stress for me: Where are we leaving our cars for these four days? Is it OK? Do we have permission? Will we be towed? Will our cars be vandalized?
I mean, OMG! What happens if I get sick? I could contract any number of diseases. Not the least is, GASP! Covid!!! OMG!!!
Yea, you see where my overactive negative thinking brain goes. It's why I sometimes have trouble sleeping. It's why I sometimes have overwhelming anxiety issues, and why sometimes I have trouble just breathing.
Are you following me? Does this sound familiar, maybe?
BUT! You know what? I DID IT! I did the ride! And I actually was leading the group for part of the day on Friday! What's the worst thing that happened to me? On day four, about halfway to Richmond, I put on a long sleeve jersey and my arm bands clashed with my riding kit (because it was chilly). Sheesh!
The thing that always saves me, is I do my best to beat this negative thinking into the ground, and apply the only super power that I actually have: My own discipline.
I have worked very hard all my life to exercise self-discipline and keep myself focused on my goals. Oddly, this has actually become more difficult as I got older and is challenging me in so many ways even as I write this.
It's a constant battle, and sometimes I lose the battles, however I haven't yet lost a war.
I have to remind myself that so far I have a 100% success rate of getting through bad days.
I can either be a miserable fuck, or I can make the best out of a tough situation, work through my discomfort and pain and just, you know, enjoy the ride. It's gonna be OK. It's always OK. If I make it OK.
I choose to make it OK.
Enjoy the ride!
